


girl talk

by skatingsplits



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Multi, Stupidity, Zelda is too repressed for this shit, possible spoilers for the 1994 film Four Weddings and A Funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 13:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16517504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skatingsplits/pseuds/skatingsplits
Summary: Really, how are she and Hilda supposed to help their niece with these problems? When Zelda was eleven, the only man who had a scrap of her emotional attention was the Dark Lord; the nuances of pre-teen mortal romance are beyond her.





	girl talk

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about two hours after drinking a lot of coffee so apologies for any mistakes (and apologies in general, I'm not sure I have a handle on their characterisation yet)

  
The first time Sabrina comes to talk to her aunts about boys isn't entirely successful, Zelda has to admit. Her niece is eleven years old and utterly devastated because the boy she likes (David, did Sabrina say? Or Daniel? Zelda can't remember) has kissed another girl on the playground at recess. It's so heartbreakingly, juvenilely mortal and unfortunately, neither Spellman sister is much use in when dealing with matters of the heart, the juvenile or the mortal. If she were settling her own problems, Zelda's method of coping with this sort of problem would usually be to join in but she's hardly going to suggest that to Sabrina. As for Hilda... Well, Zelda feels the same way about her sister's virginity as she does about gravity; she doesn't think about it much but she'd be very surprised if she came down to breakfast one morning to find it was gone. Part of the problem of dealing with Sabrina's woes, however, is that neither sister is particularly accustomed to talking about intimacy on any level. Particularly with each other, not after that time Zelda came home from the Court of St James wearing no stockings, someone else's dress and a very satisfied smile on her face and Hilda had made it clear that she did  _not want to know._ That had been more than a hundred years ago so when their niece comes home upset because of a boy, neither sister is entirely secure (or entirely effective) with giving her comfort. Hilda flutters around Sabrina, stuffing her with cake, suggesting they have a nice night in watching the Audrey Hepburn films Sabrina loves so much and altogether making far too much fuss. Zelda's only response is to narrow her eyes and enquire whether Sabrina would like her to make sure this boy is no longer able to get up to mischief with any part of his body on a permanent basis. The girl doesn't seem overly thrilled with either solution.

  
‘Auntie Z, you know you can't just mutilate anyone who upsets you, right?’ Sabrina is making an attempt at sarcasm, Zelda knows, but her little face is screwed up in concern.

  
‘Don't tell me what I can and can't do' Zelda returns sharply but presses a kiss to the blonde head before she leaves the room. Really, how are she and Hilda supposed to help their niece with these problems? When Zelda was eleven, the only man who had a scrap of her emotional attention was the Dark Lord; the nuances of pre-teen mortal romance are beyond her.

 

Things don't really improve from there. Sabrina is fourteen when she begins to realise what's been obvious to everyone around her for some time; that her friendship with the Kinkle boy is less friendship, more sickeningly sweet all-consuming adoration, the kind that only teenagers seem to find themselves enveloped in. Zelda isn't thrilled and, to nobody's surprise, she doesn't pretend to be. She has no objection to the boy himself (truthfully, she's not sure she could pick him out of a line-up) but she can already foresee the problems it's going to cause along the line.

  
‘We were utter fools not to make her mix with other witches and warlocks' Zelda is sprawled out on the couch in the parlour, cigarette in hand as Hilda sits opposite her, tending to her familiars and making disapproving clucks at Zelda's complaints. ‘Then she'd have never settled for second best'.

  
‘He's a very nice boy, sis' as she does habitually when her sister speaks, Zelda rolls her eyes.

  
‘I'm sure he is, Hilda, I'm sure he's Abraham Lincoln and Saint Nicholas combined, that really isn't the issue. What happens when she turns sixteen, hmm? She's already making noises about not wanting to leave her mortal friends behind, I can't even imagine the histrionics if she has to abandon a boyfriend too' Zelda can imagine it, actually. Sabrina's stubborn streak has always been simultaneously a source of pride and exasperation for her and Zelda knows fine well that if her niece doesn't want to do something, no amount of cajoling or threatening will make her do it. The possibility of Sabrina refusing to give up her mortal life doesn't even bear thinking about.

  
‘You never know, things might have settled down by then. You know what teenagers are like, all those hormones rushing around everywhere, they never stay fixed on one thing for long' in theory, Hilda is right, Zelda knows. Most teenagers, witch or mortal, are constantly developing burning passions that flare up and flame out almost as soon as they're lit. But, although she'd never tell her niece this, Zelda sees an almost painful amount of herself in Sabrina and at that age, nothing on earth could have shifted Zelda's fixation from the Dark Lord. If Sabrina has a tenth of that devotion to Harvey Kinkle (and as much as it pains her to admit it, Zelda knows that she does) then Sabrina's sixteenth birthday is going to bring them all some serious trouble.

 

  
As it turns out, Zelda is quite right (a fact which makes the situation feel just a _little_ better). When Sabrina is six months away from her Dark Baptism, she comes home from school in floods of tears and runs straight up to her bedroom without a word to any of them. Tears are usually Hilda's area of expertise but her sister, helpful as always, is nowhere in sight. Zelda looks imploringly at Ambrose but he just raises his hands with a wry smile.

  
‘No chance, I can't seem to do anything right lately' that's true enough. Normally so close and affectionate, in the last few weeks Sabrina has been keeping her distance from her cousin, snapping at him almost every time they come into contact. Hilda has begged and Zelda has scolded in an attempt to get their niece to revert to normal but she hasn't listened and this time, Zelda can't exactly blame her. Sabrina's irritability with Ambrose pales in comparison to her own with Hilda, so why on earth would the girl listen to a word either of them say on the subject? Besides, Zelda is fairly sure she knows the reason for Sabrina's black mood. A few varying details aside, Ambrose is a living reminder of the future Sabrina is facing; magical talent, dead parents, charisma in spades. For a normal witch, the example of Ambrose (house arrest aside) might not be such a bad thing, might even spur on excitement. For Sabrina, however, her cousin is a reminder that in half a year, witch is all she'll be and the despair that that seems to cast her niece into fills the pit of Zelda's stomach with cold dread.

  
As she mounts the stairs to her niece's bedroom, Zelda is running through possible strategies in her head, how to assuage any doubts Sabrina has about her Dark Baptism. All plans and manipulations fly out of the window at the sight of her niece's face, the only thing visible above a huge blanket, tear-stained and crumpled with despair. Without thinking, Zelda surges forward and wraps her arms around Sabrina, stroking the blonde head as its owner sobs against her chest. When the sobbing finally evens out to a few solitary gulps, Zelda pulls back and looks her niece in the eye.

  
‘Sabrina, I promise you, whatever doubts you are having, we can work through them together' she tries to sound as patient as possible so she's surprised when Sabrina's face crumbles again.

  
‘How did you know I was having doubts?’

  
‘Witch's intuition. I understand, it might seem difficult, but I promise the minute your Dark Baptism is over, everything will seem so much easier' despite the underlying terror that's had a grip on her heart for months that Sabrina will refuse to be baptised, Zelda is trying to be supportive, really she is. It's not a common sentiment for her but she doesn't think she's doing a bad enough job to warrant the expression of extreme confusion on Sabrina's face.

  
‘My Dark Baptism? No, Auntie Zelda... it's about Harvey'  _oh._ Before Zelda has time to decide whether it's better or worse that her niece was crying over a boy rather than becoming a fully-fledged witch, Sabrina has launched into a monologue on how conflicted she is about this teenage romance, how much she likes Harvey and how much that confuses her, how much trouble she's having balancing her friendships with her relationship. Dazed and confused, Zelda contributes nothing more than a few noises of assent and she really isn't sure that she wouldn't rather try to convince Sabrina to sign a hundred Books of the Beast than have a conversation like this ever again.

  
‘Maybe I'll just live a life of chastity like Hecate or Artemis or you and Aunt Hilda' Sabrina is being dramatic, raising her arms in an exaggerated gesture of despair but Zelda is unable to prevent the laugh that comes spilling out of her. She's always taken very good care to hide any element of her personal life from Sabrina and she's glad to know that she's been successful but the image of herself as a virginal goddess is so comical that she can't help herself. Her hand flies to her mouth to try to muffle the sound but it's too late and Sabrina is looking at her in mystified surprise.

‘Oh, I guess I just thought... You never talk about anyone special or anyone you're seeing' strange that having spent her entire life in a witching household, Sabrina's perception of the intimate is nonetheless entirely mortal. It's sweet, really, the way her niece can't even imagine giving her body to anyone who doesn't already have her heart.

  
‘We really don't need to talk about this, Sabrina' she rises from her perch on the edge of her niece's bed and smooths out her clothes, looking at her with fond concern.

‘And if I ever find out that you've been crying over a boy again, I promise you he won't like the consequences.’ Sabrina just smiles in response and Zelda smiles too, exiting the room as she thanks Satan that her niece has stopped weeping. She's halfway down the staircase when she hears-

  
‘I hope you're being safe, Aunt Z!’

  
‘Sabrina!’

  
‘Condoms are only effective 98% of the time, you know!’ Zelda shook her head and didn't deign to respond as she went down the stairs. The sooner Sabrina signed the Book of the Beast the better. _Condoms indeed_. As though every witch alive didn't know a foolproof protection spell. Really, they had to get her out of that dreadful high school.

 

 

Never in her wildest dreams had Zelda imagined that things would get even worse after Sabrina had signed the Book of the Beast. When her niece comes home after her first week full time at the Unseen Academy, Zelda is bursting with pride.

  
‘Now you look like a real witch’ she twirls a strand of white blonde hair round her fingertip. Sabrina has settled herself down in the parlour and is all cosied up under her favourite woollen blanket with Hilda's arm around her, Ambrose is lounging at their feet and Zelda feels unaccountably at peace.

  
‘She's always looked like a real witch, Zelds, she is a real witch’ Hilda tuts, squeezing Sabrina even tighter. Sabrina doesn't seem to mind though, and beams up at her aunt.

  
‘Do you like it, Auntie Zelda? Nicholas said he thought I looked like Carole Lombard'

  
‘Nicholas?’ Zelda says with a knowing smirk. She's teasing, really, knows that despite their current estrangement Sabrina has never even looked at anyone other than Harvey Kinkle so when her niece goes bright pink to the roots of her newly-lightened hair, it's a surprise. Sabrina changes the subject very quickly and Zelda doesn't push it.

  
They spend the evening as they often do, eating a variety of Hilda's baked goods and watching one of the awful romantic comedies that Sabrina and Hilda insist on. Zelda would protest but tonight it's Four Weddings And A Funeral and she always enjoys thinking up new ways that she would break various bones in Andie McDowell's body. It's a tried and tested routine, they all know practically every line; Ambrose always comments on how attractive the lead's brother is, Zelda always laughs when that irritating man has a heart attack in the middle of a wedding reception and Hilda always jokingly covers Sabrina's eyes at the leading couple's steamy scene. Usually Sabrina giggles and plays along but tonight she flushes pink again and bats Hilda's hand away. Nobody comments but Zelda exchanges a quick look with her sister and when the film is finished and Hilda makes her way to bed, she flashes a significant look at Zelda before she leaves, nodding in what she obviously thinks is a discreet fashion at Sabrina.

Clumsy as Hilda's methods are, she has a point; there is obviously something going on with Sabrina. As it turns out, she only has to wait until Ambrose yawns, kisses them both goodnight and leaves the room to find out what.

‘Auntie Zelda...’ Sabrina begins but trails off for a few moments before starting again ‘I think I might be ready to. You know. Have sex.’ Zelda nearly chokes on her Cabernet.

The thought hadn't crossed her mind that Sabrina would come to her at this juncture; Zelda had certainly needed no advice on abandoning her maidenhood when she turned sixteen. It had been lost in her dormitory at the Academy a few weeks after her Baptism and she hadn't missed it since. Nevertheless, she feels much more equipped to talk about this than she had to talk about her niece's apparently endless range of feelings and emotions where romance is concerned.

  
‘I see' is all she says. She may have a lot more experience with the physical than the emotional but she doesn't have the faintest idea where Sabrina is going with this and it seems unwise to charge straight on ahead.

  
‘Do you think that's a good idea or....?’ The girl trails off again, intently looking at her nails instead of her aunt and Zelda thinks she understands. Sabrina wants advice, permission possibly, and after the trauma of her niece's personal life in the last few months, Zelda can't really blame her.

  
‘I don't see why not' Zelda shrugs ‘The Dark Lord has no more use for your virginity, you might as well enjoy yourself by casting it away'. Sabrina squeaks, burying her head in a cushion and Zelda rolls her eyes.

  
‘Honestly Sabrina, if you can't talk about it, how on earth do you expect to be able to do it? Just don't get yourself impregnated, the last thing I need is another baby in this house' Sabrina gets up, grumbling something about how Zelda should have thought about that before she stole the first one but she comes over to press a kiss to the top of her aunt's head before she retires to bed. Her ability to conduct these talks is definitely improving, Zelda feels- maybe next time they'll get through one without anybody being unable to look anybody else in the eye.

 

 

This emphatically does not turn out to be the case. Not long after the conversation about Sabrina's chastity, something happens to make Zelda wish she'd kept a tighter grip on her own. Since the late Lady Blackwood's passing, Zelda has permanently taken over her classes at the Academy, and if it happens that she's taken over a few of her other duties too, well. That's between her, the High Priest and the solid wooden desk he currently has her pressed up against. Having her own little office is convenient in a number of ways (Satan knows she's grateful for a private space that Hilda can't possibly try to tidy up) but she knows full well that Faustus has only given it to her because she flatly refuses to have sex on the sofa in his office. She isn't in the habit of refusing him much and nobody could possibly call Zelda prudish but she doesn't even want to think about the remnants swarming around on there. He'd complained but it turned out rather well, because not only had she showed him how grateful she was (repeatedly) but there's something much more convenient about having their little private staff meetings here. They're far less likely to be interrupted, for one thing; the only visitor she ever has is him and so the possibility hardly even crosses her mind as she wraps her legs tightly around his hips and leans back to allow him access to the soft skin of her throat until-

‘Aunt Z, you'll never guess wh- oh holy Satan!’ Zelda jumps up like she's been shot with one of those stupid mortal machines, whipping her head round just in time to see a flash of white blonde hair disappearing out of the door.

  
‘Lucifer save me’ she mutters, pulling on her abandoned blouse as quickly as she possibly can ‘Sabrina! Sabrina!’

  
‘Not precisely the name I'd hoped to hear you shouting this evening' the High Priest comments wryly but he waves his hand and Zelda is fully dressed again, not a hair out of place. She shoots him a grateful glance and hurries out of the door. The corridor is empty and when she finds her way to Sabrina's dormitory, her niece is nowhere in sight. Instinctively, Zelda knows where the girl has gone and so she's only a few minutes behind when she arrives at home. Sure enough, Sabrina is sitting at the breakfast table while Hilda (still wearing that ridiculous wig) is boiling the kettle.

  
‘Ooh, you're home nice and early. I thought you had a staff meeting on Thursdays?’ Hilda says cheerily and although Zelda completely ignores her sister, Sabrina's expression becomes even more traumatised.

  
‘Sabrina, I need to speak to you. Alone' she half-expects the girl to resist but she follows her aunt up the stairs and it isn't until they're safely encased in Sabrina's bedroom that Zelda straightens her shoulders and turns to face her niece.

  
‘I'm afraid I owe you an apology for what you just saw. I understand you must be' she searches for the right word ‘You must be surprised but I'd be grateful if we could draw a line under the incident and I imagine we'd both prefer not to mention it again'. It's strange how embarrassed she feels. If it Ambrose had caught her having an orgy with a bunch of snake-headed demons, she'd have probably done nothing more than tell him to get out and maybe whack him with her newspaper later for interrupting. But Sabrina sees a glimpse of her bare back and Zelda feels as guilty as if she'd slit Salem's throat and served the carcass for dinner.

  
‘I just can't believe that you'd-' Sabrina starts but she doesn't get far before Zelda coldly interrupts.

  
‘I'm really not interested in what you can and cannot believe. I have apologised, the gracious thing to do would be to accept my apology and drop the subject'. Guilt is an unfamiliar emotion for Zelda, not one she can claim to be fond of, and it's only made worse when Sabrina screws up her eyes like she does when she's trying not to cry.

  
‘You said we should be able to talk about this stuff, right? So can we talk about it?’

  
‘I meant' Zelda sighs because Sabrina's got her there. When she'd said that, she'd obviously not meant it to be applicable to herself and they both know it. But her niece is a grown-up witch now; there's no way Zelda can expect any insight into Sabrina's life if she's going to keep her own locked away. And she can't blame the girl for being unsettled at catching her aunt _in flagrante_ with a man she hates. ‘Yes, you're right. We should be able to talk about it. I'm afraid I don't quite know what to say'.

  
Sabrina looks as though she doesn't quite know either and for the sake of something to do, Zelda lights a cigarette and ignores the slight trembling of her fingers.

  
‘How long has this-' Sabrina makes a confused gesture, obviously unwilling to articulate it ‘Been going on?’

  
‘Years, on and off' Zelda says. Her cigarette makes her feel a little better and she raises an eyebrow at the surprise on her niece's face. Honestly, for a family who seem thrive on meddling in other people's business, they've really got no idea what's going on right under their noses. ‘In terms of the recent past, since a little time after your first failed Baptism'.

  
‘But, he was married, Aunt Z' her niece says that as though it's supposed to mean something and, not for the first time, Zelda despairs at how human Sabrina is.

  
‘There's nothing in the Church of Night’s marriage service that specifies fidelity, Sabrina’ she says tartly.

  
‘But Lady Blackwood-' Zelda raises a hand for silence again.

  
‘Sabrina. I am perfectly willing to be open with you but if I wanted a lecture on morality, I would _not_ have come to you' it sounds more pointed than she means it to and Zelda sighs. ‘I'm sorry, this is not entirely easy for me'.

  
‘Are you happy?’ if her heart wasn't already entirely in Sabrina's possession, that would have done the trick but Zelda just shrugs noncommittally.

  
‘It isn't really... that is to say, it's not... happiness doesn't come into it' this isn't a conversation she ever thought she would have so Zelda doesn't quite know how to tell her niece that her relationship with their coven's High Priest mainly consists of theological discussion and sadomasochistic sex, sometimes simultaneously. If there's any emotional attachment on Zelda's part, it's strictly to his position but today doesn't seem like the day to teach her niece about the complex sexual power dynamics between a woman and her priest.

  
‘So you're not planning on becoming the next Lady Blackwood?’

  
‘Not with the current survival rate being at exactly zero percent, no' she rejoinders dryly and Sabrina almost smiles before worry creases her brow again.

  
‘Isn't it dangerous? You know, with his baby living in our house and everything?’

  
‘Do you really think I'd do anything to put that child in danger? No, I believe it's far easier to remain above suspicion if nothing changes between us' what was the phrase? Keeping your friends close but your enemies closer. As far as Zelda could tell, Faustus Blackwood was somewhere in the middle and she didn't think she could have kept him closer if she tried.

  
‘Wait, is that why you're doing this?’ her niece's face is a picture of anxiety and Zelda's heart flutters. Poor, sweet Sabrina. Maybe it's her mortal half, maybe it's Hilda's good-natured influence, maybe it's brainwashing from all the MGM musicals but the child really doesn't seem to be able to grasp that one's sexual impulses don't necessarily run parallel to emotional ones. Zelda had thought her Dark Baptism might have knocked it out of her but now she finds she's glad that it hasn't; far better for Sabrina to remain her sweet self than end up like her.

  
‘No, Sabrina, it's not' she says slowly ‘Can we settle the matter at I'm not being coerced, I'm not being a martyr, you really don't need to worry any further and for the love of Lucifer, do not tell your Aunt Hilda?’ Sabrina chews on her bottom lip for a second as if in thought before nodding. Zelda suppresses the urge to clasp the girl in her arms and instead moves to open the bedroom door.

  
‘So, that time you went to prayer group and came home with that big rip in your dress? Because I always said, there's no way that a tree branch made a hole that neat’

  
‘Conversation over, Sabrina!’ really, by now, this should be getting easier.

 


End file.
